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I am the opposite of a social animal. I didn't know when it started but I suddenly found it hard to approach people. At some point my brother said my outlook of the world was that "people was there to hurt me." Of course I denied it until I realized he was probably right. Cham also mentioned that I was looking down a lot while walking, as if I wanted to disappear so as not to be noticed.

Cham is who she is. I have learnt to not expect anything from her and I thank God that at least she's there to bear with me.

I tried a website with "listeners" when I had no one to talk to. A stranger told me that my attitude might have sprung up from my abandonment issues. You see, two of the people I considered most important left me. Since then, she said, I must have been avoiding making contact with anyone else so as to protect myself.

With Jj

It was a eureka moment for me. I was quite wondering since when I didn't like knowing strangers or making connections with people until she pointed it out. My subconscious must have been driving in automatic for quite some time. I can't function well in crowds anymore. As much as I want to make friends, I can't make the first move until they approach me. I don't like forcing myself in anyone. I also don't like the front that people put out. I don't like how some tend to stab people in the back.

I'm trying to work it out. I'm joining crowds again but it's been proving to be a challenge. I often find myself alone with my thoughts in crowds, unless I have a trusted someone beside me (that someone being either Cham or my brother.) This is why kids are way easier to connect with. I'd been making friends with a lot of kids lately.

This kid is so hyperactive and so is her imagination.

Ping is so cute and adorable!

Without knowing why, I distanced myself from my then-friends. I was probably burning bridges, checking who'd be genuinely willing to stay versus those who were there to use me. Guess what, none of them stayed. I am now required to get back with the same group of people to do what I'm supposed to, and it's been triggering dramatic moments.

Here's to a brighter future.