Since I was young my parents indoctrinated me with the same old "Finish your school and earn for us." As a kid, I knew that my parents were right: they sacrificed many things for me and my brother. It is only fitting to give back. As a result, somewhere in the middle I lost my own.
In the third grade, I started having interest in script-writing. I had a notebook filled with stories of a perfect young girl--the type you read from story books, practically telling you what it takes to be good. In high school, I finished a story of a group of friends with a Super Gals-Mirumo-Endless Love type of story line. Tragically, the day I took interest in reading is the same day I lost the will to write. There was a lot of well-written books to read and mine were badly written, so what was the point?
I've learnt new vocabularies from reading, it widened my horizon in understanding the human race, it made me travel to places I'd never been in, and it also killed my characters--my protagonists, villains, the extras... all of them. I remember imagining worlds and places of my own before sleeping, now I go into worlds of others. I couldn't amount to the genius of the world. My imagination was not original enough, my stories biased, and they lack the depth of character you read and watch from novels and TV series.
What is to become of me?
At 20, I should be able to gracefully string words and make magic out of them. There are hundreds of thousands of vocabulary to choose from, and somehow they are all hidden in a cave in my brain, hindering me from utilizing them in my prose. I cannot make fiction anymore. I cannot write. What is it that I can do to make this world a better place?
I'd been in limbo for ten months. You'd think I'd have done something to improve myself or the future, but I'm stuck.
The first 16 days of my January had been empty. How much more before I write the first page of my book?
You are not alone. You know, people have their days when they feel like they're good for nothing. Sometimes, we lose our interests to the things we love simply because we want to engage ourselves to new ones. You might be shocked why i posted a comment on your blog. Remember the time i told you i envy your writing? Because you write so well and you should continue to do so. Don't let yourself get down just because others are more than what you think you are. You have your own, unique talent. No one has it the same as you and that's a gift. Just remember why you loved writing in the first place. :)
ReplyDeleteI just read this comment. Thank you for your kind words! I'm still looking for my niche and no one knows the struggle I'm going through. I do love writing but I don't think I excel on it. As of the moment, naghahanap pa ako ng pangarap. Sadnu. :( Anyway, thank you so much for your encouragement!
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